Popping the Question
No, not THE question, but one equally as big in our minds. Should we have more children? The subject of babies has been much discussed around here lately and Dan and I are still not sure what to do. It is easy to see the pros and cons but harder to weigh them and make the correct decision. I think we’re both scared to actually decide, because it means that either way, our lives will make a major shift. Obviously, if we do decide to have another one then things will change a lot. But if we decide not to have more, then we are admitting that that stage of our lives is over and I don’t think either one of us wants to take that step yet. The baby years are full of chaos and stress, but they’re also full of wonder and joy and we’re not quite ready to turn our backs on that. I can’t decide which side I’m on. If we had another one, it would be at best, seven years younger than Mia and most likely even younger. That’s a big gap. It would be like raising an only child and we don’t really think that would be fair to the child. So if we have one, we’ve almost decided we should have two and I don’t think I can handle four children. Plus, I’m almost 34 and though I’m healthy, the fact remains that the risks increase with the mother’s age. Added to that mix are the problems my sister has had with her pregnancies (she lost one when he was three days old and another son was born with cerebral palsy) and I feel as though I’m tempting fate, especially if I’m going to have two more. And yet…I know someday I’ll regret only having two. I have five siblings and am close to them all; someday I will regret that my daughters only have each other. Lives get busy, they won’t see each other, will our family fracture with only two to hold it together? The girls will be leaving home within two years of each other and 45 seems very young to be an empty nester. Plus, I am a spiritual person and I do feel that there may be more little souls waiting to come to our house. Obviously, this is not a decision we can make lightly but we’ve been waffling back and forth for almost a year now. It’s time to make a choice and then stick with whatever we decide. I can’t do the maybe…sorta…what if…thing any longer. It’s too exhausting. But how do I push myself off the fence before Mother Nature does it for me?
2 Responses to “Popping the Question”
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September 8th, 2006 at 3:31 pm
Your daughters will not necessarily miss what they don’t have. You think of two as ONLY two, because you are one of six. I am one of two, and it’s great. My sister (Jennifer, from Coasting Richly–you know, the SLACKER) and I are great friends, and even her moving to Costa Rica has not made us any less close. (Although seriously, Jen, if you’re reading this, don’t stay there forEVER.) I know what you mean, though, because I think having a sister is so great, I wonder if only children are missing out. But who knows. There are advantages and disadvantages to every size family, so don’t worry about fracturing your family if you stick with two! And hey, you could always adopt a toddler if you really want more but are worried about age gaps and mother nature and all that.
I understand your stress, though. My husband and I waffle between having one or having none, and that’s a really tough one for me. We’re leaning towards none at this point, and that feels right, although it makes me sad to think what I’ll be missing. But hey, I’ve got two GREAT neices, and I finally realized I was going crazy weighing pros and cons, so we’re giving the whole issue a rest. Anyway, I was just checking out your blog since I’ve been seeing your comments on my sister’s. Hi!
September 11th, 2006 at 9:13 am
Hi Lisa! I’m glad you’re here and thanks for the feedback. It was good to get your perspective.