Worries & woes
I’m sure you really want to read this post after a title like that, eh? Five years ago the company I worked for offered me a big promotion that included a six figure salary. I turned it down because it would have required 50-60 hours per week with lots of stress and travel and the girls were still very young (1 and 3). It was a hard decision and sometimes when I look at our bank balances, I wonder if we did the right thing. There probably would have been a couple of hard transition months, but had I taken the position, Dan could have quit his job, stayed home with the girls, and pursued his dreams of real estate investment. I have recently reconnected with several people from that company and I learned the man who filled the position they’d offered to me is doing well, very well. His family has a nice home and a secure future, while our savings are completely wiped out and we’re not sure we’ll even have a home a month from now. At the time I felt that me being home with the girls was more important than the money, but now I wonder if we made a mistake. As you’ve probably gathered, Dan doesn’t exactly make a lot of money in his career. He loves what he does and is very good at it, but his industry is famously low paying. I was browsing job openings on Monster.com today and the starting salary for a position I am easily qualified for is almost twice what Dan is making after 14 years. How can I not take that into account, especially with everything that has happened this year? Sometimes I wonder if I should have the baby and then go back to work. We strongly believe that children should be raised at home by a parent, so daycare has never been an option. But if Dan were home, I wouldn’t worry about the kids. He is a very involved father and a great caretaker, I know they’d be happy and healthy. He is also a self-secure man with bigger dreams than his current job, so the damage to our marriage dynamic if I were the main breadwinner would probably be manageable. And yet…I love to be home and it would be hard to be gone every day. I would miss picking the girls up from school and hearing all the “guess whats” of the day. I’d miss sharing in their joy if they’ve had a good day or their sorrow if it’s been tough. I would miss sewing for them and reading to them any old time and helping them build clubhouses out of blankets and tables. And I don’t even want to think about all the baby milestones I’d miss because I’d be at work. But are these reasons enough to not go back, especially since I know the kids would be well cared for? I don’t know. Even without the lawsuit and all the attorney’s fees and other bills, we’ve always struggled financially. I feel like I’ve been in a long, dark tunnel for 14 years, blindly groping for the way when there’s a flashlight in my other hand. Maybe for the sake of everyone’s future, we need to make some major changes.
One Response to “Worries & woes”
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March 23rd, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Hmmm, difficult one. I think no matter what you choose, you always end up second-guessing yourself… I do, anyway. Hope you figure it out!