Sometimes people are dumb
We’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of opinions and comments about gender, especially while we were waiting for our baby boy to arrive. It seemed like everyone had something to say - and they still do. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve heard someone exclaim something like… “I’ll bet you’re really hoping to get a boy this time, huh?” “I’ll be praying that you’ll get your boy.” “Hooray, it’s a boy! Now Dan will finally get his son!” “Aren’t you just thrilled to finally have a boy in the family?” I guess people will naturally assume you’d want variety; friends and sisters who have all boys have heard the same thing in reverse many times. So it’s understandable to a degree though it’s not like we have a string of 6 or 8 girls and have been having babies for 20 years. I don’t believe that two same gender children in a row equals a trend you must earnestly strive to break. I usually try to take comments like that in stride unless someone says it in front of the girls, and it happens all the time. They’re standing right there, already a little stung that someone is oohing and aaahing over the baby and totally ignoring them, and then they have to hear how grateful everyone is that we finally have a boy! Usually I will shut that kind of talk down right away, but I know they’ve heard it and I know it’s hurt. All at once we’re transported back to when boys were considered an heir and a legacy and girls were just another mouth to feed. The biggest bonehead comment I’ve ever heard though was from an step-aunt-in-law (figure that one out) to her stepdaughter after the daughter had had a miscarriage around this time last year. Something to this effect… “It’s okay because the baby would have been born right around Christmas when everything’s so stressful. Now you can try again and have one at a better time of year.” As if that’s going to make the mother who has just lost her baby feel any better. As if babies should be welcomed only if it’s convenient. Ugh! *Edited to add: For the record, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ll know that I was very nervous about having a boy. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about the shift the in estrogen levels around here and in truth, I was secretly hoping for another girl. That seems ridiculous now. Adam fit right in the second he was born and I can’t believe I was ever even the slightest bit nervous about it. Now I’m hoping that our fourth child (if and when we ever have one) is a boy simply so Adam can have a buddy like the girls have in each other, but if it’s a girl, we’ll be fine with that too. And if someday Adam comes in the house and hands me a handful of live bugs, I’m sure I’ll be able to handle it - with the proper medication.
3 Responses to “Sometimes people are dumb”
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April 18th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I’ve never understood why people are so insensitive about such personal & private matters! I’m sure my parents heard a lot of comments about getting a boy…but we’re all girls, and I’m fairly certain that they were happy just the same.
April 18th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Never, ever, ever underestimate the stupidity of humans.
There are three kids in my family. A girl (me), a boy, and another girl. People actually asked my mom why they had my sister since they already had a boy and a girl. My mom’s response was generally to ask what they wanted her to do with my sister, shove her back in?
April 19th, 2008 at 6:43 am
RIGHT ON, SISTER! I won’t lie, I was kind of hoping for a girl this time, but seriously would have been thrilled to find out I was having a boy. I was so afraid to come home and potentially tell the blog world that I was having a boy, though - for the exact reasons you mentioned. Everyone was gunning so hard for a girl, that I thought I might even have to watch my comments section closely for consolations and such. Why is it that way?
With my pregnancy with Jack, I got lots of maybe a girl comments, but NOTHING like this time around. Holy cow. The comments people make about pregnancies and new babies are by far always the most nosy, and sometimes downright stupid (and mean!)