Not long ago I was asked about providing daycare for a baby girl. Babysitting has never been my thing but as much as I enjoy riding the freelance wave, a steady, regular income would be awesome. So I agreed to meet with the mom and at least consider it. Here are the details that came out during our interview, see if you can figure out why I decided not to take the job… I felt bad for turning her down since obviously she’s in a bind. But my sympathies do not extend to martyrdom.
A short scenario…
List of sundry items
1. Today is the last day of school - finally! The girls are out at 12:30 and are looking forward to a summertime filled with glorious, carefree days until they start the next grade…in three weeks. Sometimes year round school really stinks. 2. During this incredibly brief vacation, they have decided they want to learn to sew clothes for their American Girl dolls. So we went shopping and after much discussion and deliberation, they settled on this pattern. Cute, but a bit complicated for a first timer. Which means that I will most likely be making clothes for their American Girl dolls. 3. We have not sold the house yet (since some of you have asked). We have at least one or two showings a week, enough that it’s a battle to keep the house clean and not enough to get my hopes up. No offers. I know it’s the market and all that but it’s hard not to get discouraged. 4. Due to the upcoming school schedule, we now have less than three weeks to decide if we’re actually going or staying and when and where and how. And if we leave do we keep the house vacant and stage it or try to rent it? And should we leave it on the market and maybe move halfway through the school year or pull it off and try again next year, if at all? I was hoping to have this all resolved long before now and every time I think about it I want to throw up. 5. My sister is visiting from Maryland and has enacted a shock and awe plan to win Adam’s loyalty that involves lots of outside time and a some chocolate covered raisins. It’s worked - she had him at hello. 6. We are attempting to make some summertime skirts (for us) while she’s here but keep getting distracted by chubby baby butt and tiny doll patterns. 7. Adam still refuses to walk or crawl or really move very much at all. I am still deciding whether I need to amp up the worry factor on this. 8. French onion Sun Chips are awesome but I could do without the next morning aftertaste. 9. I hate the PBS show Clifford. The cheesy storylines, the extreme political correctness, and the fact that no one seems the least bit bothered that it’s a gigantic dog. What about the barking and the shedding and the poop? Have we not thought these things through?
I am officially ridiculous
Alternatively titled: My Journey to the Dark Side My brother’s girlfriend was out of town so my brother was watching her dog. Then, my brother went out of town so who do you think was absolutely thrilled to dogsit for a week? Yep, Amy, who is obsessed with all things dog. I allowed it because I figured it would be a good intro into the work she’d have if we ever grant her deepest desire and get a dog of her own. So Coco Chanel came to stay. And of course we couldn’t send her back to my brother (who was already a bit tweaked about the pink collar, pink bag, and pink leash he had to tote around) without an accessory. So we whipped up a doggie tutu - because she is a pretty, pretty princess. Yes, I made dance wear…for a DOG. That’s what it’s come to. No real reaction from Miss Chanel but I hear the girlfriend loved it. My brother? Not so much.
At the store…
I am buying two shirts and am ready to check out. Kohl’s Employee: Are you putting this on your Khol’s charge account? Me: No, it’s cash. KE: Do you have a Khol’s charge account? Me: No. And I don’t want one either. KE: If you open an account right now you can save 15% today and additional savings all year long. Me: No thanks. KE: (Gives me the stink eye.) It only takes a few minutes and I can sign you up right here. Me: No, THANK YOU. KE: I don’t understand why anyone would say no to this offer. You’ll save a lot of money. Man who checked out before me but is still hanging around: Yeah, you save a TON of money. I must point out here that I just watched this man pay $50 down on his store credit balance and then put another $175 on the card. And the reason he is still hanging around is that he is guarding his wife’s overflowing cart while she runs off to hunt for just one more item. So he already spent $175 and there’s at least another $200 piled in the cart for her. Me: I just want to pay for this stuff and go. KE: Well how about signing up for our email newsletter? You’ll get special offers throughout the year. Me: Aaaaaaahhhhhh! And so finally when I threatened not to buy anything at all, the clerk takes my cash and pouted through the transaction while the guy in debt watched and shook his head sadly. Heaven forbid I should pay for something with money I already have. Heaven forbid I should spare myself the 30% interest. Heaven forbid I decline dozens of spam emails every month. Call off the dogs, Kohl’s.
About Amy
I just tried to kill a sorta big spider crawling up the wall behind my desk but hit it only hard enough to make it fall. So it’s back there now, regenerating, and I just know it’s going to get revenge by crawling up my leg - resulting in much shrieking and possibly therapy. So gee - posting has really slowed down around here. Not on purpose. I have a lot I want to write about, I just can’t seem to schedule the time. D’oh! But while I’m here, let’s talk about the girl. Amy is almost ten, almost finished with fourth grade, almost a tween. It seems like she’s getting taller, prettier, and more mature every day. Right now she’s at the age where she’s all arms and legs and she hurtles around the house on too-big feet, occasionally crashing into things and hovering between loving her favorite toys and thinking they are babyish. She’s getting more and more responsible and not too long ago we passed the very important milestone of being able to shower completely on her own without me having to check to make sure she’s washed all the shampoo out. All this, combined with the fact that we recently had to buy something that rhymes with braining tra (coverage more than support), and I feel like I’m losing my baby girl. Whaaa! But about the dance recital…I really like her dance teacher for many reasons, but I think she went a little overboard with this recital. She has always had a vendetta against general audience bonehead behavior like catcalling or whooping and her opinion is that her recitals are fine arts performances and should be treated as such. Fine with me - I think nothing is more annoying than frenzied parents calling out names when a group of girls takes the stage. But this year she declared that flash photography was strictly forbidden and anyone caught using a flash could be evicted from the auditorium. Of course many people ignored this at first but after one group of dancers performed the teacher’s husband, who was running the sound and lights, came on the PA and berated everyone for using flashes. “I hope you all feel like heels” were his exact words. The next time it happened, he actually stopped the music mid-dance, instantly throwing a dozen four-year-olds into confusion and fear while he yelled at their parents for taking pictures. Okay. This is not the New York City Ballet or the Lord of the Dance touring company. This is a smallish dance studio in a smallish city filled with smallish dancers whose parents have ponied up quite a lot of money for them to strut their stuff. Tuition went up by more than 40% last year plus there’s a hefty costume charge and a recital fee. I know it’s not the most expensive studio out there but it adds up. I think being able to snap a few pictures of the kid performing is part of the payoff for the parents. And when you consider that classes are only one hour a week and they spend almost the entire year working on the recital numbers, the pictures are a payoff for the dancers too. They want to see themselves in all their glittery, make-uped glory. We tried to take a few shots of Amy without the flash and of course they didn’t work out and she was so disappointed. Sure, hundreds of flashes going off can get annoying, but it’s a kid’s dance recital. You go expecting that the aisles will be crammed with video cameras, flashes will be going off like crazy, and moms will be climbing over you to get the best possible shot of their little darling. I happen to know that the income from the dance studio provides for more than half of the living expenses for the teacher and her family. So to get so worked up and angry about this seems a little bit like biting the hand that feeds you to me. I know several parents who were upset and I noticed that the applause at the end of the show when the teacher took the stage was not nearly as loud as it has been in year’s past. So what do you think? Did they go a bit overboard or is this a lesson we should all learn? * And by the way we’re only talking about Amy here because Mia decided after the Christmas recital that she was tired of dancing. Of course, after the spring recital she was sobbing uncontrollably because she missed it so much and dancing is her calling and now I have to try and get her back in when there’s a three-page waiting list. So maybe the yelling will work for us because someone got fed up and pulled their kid out, leaving a spot for Mia. We can only hope.
Due to a strange genetic mutation, Amy is a much more social person than either of her parents. She likes to be involved and though we try not to overwhelm her, this year May seemed to be another December with a flurry of recitals and school programs. In less than two weeks she had two 4th Grade programs, the school choir concert, a piano recital, and a dance recital (plus the six-hour dress rehearsal the night before). Here she is in the pioneer costume I made for her 4th Grade program.